Clients & Guests

Current events overtake the Law Offices of Quibble, Squabble & Bicker when Joe Rogan's recent shenanigans cause him to inadvertently help the client, Is Joe Rogan Racist or A Big Stupid Dummy?, walk into the conference room. Paranormal romance and urban fantasy author Melissa Sercia stops by but does not offer legal advice while also helping out by discussing mental strobe lights, immortal billionaires, underbelly world, lots of sex, Anne Rice, robot vampires, Spock, Paul Bettany, Stephen King, ...

On a drizzly Portland day, two behemoths square off under the restless eyes of the Law Offices of Quibble, Squabble & Bicker. This is a never before seen event as the client is MCU Vs. MC Hammer. While ensuring no low blows are enacted, they have a powerful discussion regarding Dynamic Hero U, self help, super team, X-Men, sleeping with a groundhog, the Falcon and Redwing, Peking duck, evil mastermind father, cookie puss, bug people, Wakanda, vibranium vibrators, Prostate Boy, Karen Black, alien...

Things get mildly serious at the Law Offices of Quibble, Squabble & Bicker when trans activist and musician Ryan Cassata enters the conference room to discuss his new music and then delves into lizard people tracking nanobots, the Rothschilds, iTunes, trip hop, serving the community, only one in Long Island, Larry King, Dr. Drew, girlie toy, Matt's schizophrenic monologue, my gigantic nose, Tyra Banks, teachers bullying, sing about oppression, a music lawyer, Gandhi, naked drum circle, Sterno, S...

On a wet and dreary late afternoon, a ray of brightness shines itself into the conference room of the Law Offices of Quibble, Squabble & Bicker in the form of New York City-based singer/songwriter Luka James. Sadly, he was unable to transform into a guest faux lawyer yet still engaged with two of the three senior partners to discuss Critical Face Theory, Janeway, Planet of the Ernest Borgnines, mint julep, peanut gallery, bad rubbish, my inner self, cycle of life, a lot of authentic love, a baby...

Venturing into international legal issues, the Law Offices of Quibble, Squabble and Bicker obtain a client sought by none yet that has affected so many: Genocide Schmenocide. This client required Greg, Brendan and Matt to learn a little bit of history and then ignore that very same history as they ended up discussing Mr. Clean, mystical vision, Alex Jones, his head is so small, Uzbeks, SCTV, hillbillies of Russia, Israelstan, slavery is still legal, the peoples of the blacks, property of the whi...

Behold, trapped in a hellscape of their own invention, socially unaware old white men bound by the pretense of being fake lawyers yet knowing no law, no exquisite Latin terminology, they are inexplicably compelled to quibble over minutiae, squabble over triflings and bicker like those who value their backyards far too highly without even knowing the difference between an easement or an alleyway. At this very moment, you have entered the heart of the Law Offices of Quibble, Squabble & Bicker. Wel...

The Law Offices of Quibble, Squabble & Bicker kick off the new year and Season 4 with the incredibly famous Buzz Lightyear. Well, not really, it's just a pseudonym for a friendly cybersecurity expert but together all of them engage in all sorts of fake legalese like jolly scamps, Falco Manhattan, Slightly Flaccid, gender fluidity in rodents, duck blood, dubstep, taste the suffering, homeless wizard, Misfit Plant, Pong, Sea Hunt, Battle Zone, the jumping thing, public dick, heats up my bones, Bur...

On the cusp of the New Year, the Law Offices of Quibble, Squabble and Bicker watch two of the partners (Greg and Brendan) vacation for the final client of 2021, Our Fear In Review. Coming to the rescue are two guest co-counsels Sanchez El Dorado from Happy Hour News Team and Nick Taber from Movie Theater Time Machine. They proved capable at discussing at length many issues including fear, homemade whiskey, lucky idiot, Snoop Lion, Robert DeQueero, anxiety, Rhode Island, oblate, pizza loves me ba...

Milk and cookies have no place at the Law Offices of Quibble, Squabble and Bicker at the consultation of this week's client, I Saw Mommy Pegging Santa Claus, when two well-educated guest fake lawyers arrive to provide appropriate counseling. From the podcast B4USwipe, Dr. Kris Gowen and Dr. Lauren Lichty provide their unique perspectives on numerous important matters including catfish dancing, Gary Busey, Spuds McKenzie, peach seeds, wild crazy anarchists, love theme from Commie land, UB40, bus ...

When isms pervade society, the Law Offices of Quibble, Squabble and Bicker are there to fully misunderstand their importance and gravity especially as they take on their next client, Ableism, Sexism, Racism and Cannibalism. Fortunately, no schisms were created as they mentioned hot ticket, Disney Plus, broken hymens, 19 gallons of semen, the York maelstrom, peppermint patties, Charlie Brown, Monkees rabbit hole, Battleship Potemkin, abilityism, Michael Jordan, a papoose, Shaq is a monster, stick...

The Law Offices of Quibble, Squabble & Bicker welcome Mel Ortiz, host of the podcast Miss Heard Lyrics, who unfortunately has to leave before providing her fake legal wisdom for today's client, Are You Toxic Or Do You Just Need A Shower? She definitely engages with the faux legal team and discusses some subjects that don't necessarily include paranoia insurance, existential engineers, a Jewish grandma, cross-eyed bears, the whale carcass, thinly sliced meat eyeball, sugar gliders, polar bear nin...

With the gift giving holidays on the horizon, the Law Offices Of Quibble, Squabble & Bicker address a long standing situation with their new client, Gift Horses Eat Too Much. They talk about Indie Pods United Summit, Sal Vagina, Kaiser Permanente, trichinosis, chlamydia, man slut, sexually abused pizza dough, lukewarm pockets, jizzy glaze, dark horse, Cthulhu, Ayn Rand, Atlas Sharted, behind the beaded curtain, nature's car, Monty Python, Great Bribbin, bolognese, pea gravel, taxi nuns, Agnes of...

As Thanksgiving rears its ugly head, the Law Offices of Quibble, Squabble & Bicker track down their newest client, Don't Be Late For Love And Hate and give a thorough examination. They uncovered poodle panties, turkey jism, chew juice, warming your chestnuts, your oily fish, Stalingrad 1942, that's the climax, apostasy and blasphemy, Cyndi Lauper, Phil Collins, Hawaii, James Michener, Aquaman, ass weasel, Butthole Billy, the bucking cow, my murdered uncle, Snapped, a love to kill, anonymous coun...

A modern day Renaissance woman enters the Law Offices of Quibble, Squabble and Bicker in the form of the multi-talented Canadian songstress Kreesha Turner who later briefly helps address the client, How Deep Is Your Bunker (or Apocalypse Wow!). The following exhibits get examined: your poop bars, Canadian Jennifer Lopez, 4 Loko, aboriginal friends, nation of immigrants, monolith of liberty, ketchup chips, great aunt Ninita, bikini pictures, I hate pants, tough love, speaking in tongues, Jimmy Cl...

The Law Offices Of Quibble, Squabble and Bicker tackle the greatest of clients in this session with The Tyranny Of Beauty. Since their guest counsel did not arrive, they handled the bogus deposition themselves and talked about flooding, lovely wives, ass avoidant, earholes, Karl Marx, dick power, everyone wants love, those handsome men, chuffing and chafing, symmetry is overrated, Pythagoras, sock exploits, Julia Roberts, a symmetrical horse, Salma Hayek, down to clown, Bea Arthur, Rumplestiltsk...

After many invitations, the Law Offices of Quibble, Squabble and Bicker achieve the unthinkable: doing the show from Brendan's house in Florida AND getting Matt and Brendan's wives Holly and Lavonna to be the guest fake attorneys. Along the way, they talk about David Blaine, Passive Attack, huffing jenkem, purple, ocarina book, sushi mask, low bar, taken aback, marry Matt, 999, Brendan's jib, limbo, oblivious to the hunt, you're a cheetah, beavers and otters, Etta James cover girl, project my ex...

An entire team of pretend lawyers arrived at the Law Offices Of Quibble, Squabble & Bicker in the form of the Mystic Ghost Paranormal Research Team who arrived to help address the client - Here Today, Ghost Tomorrow. The researchers included founder of the Mystic Ghost team Michelle DePaul with Allison Tidwell and Michelle Roan. Many supernatural connections were made and ghost ticklers, bad mojo, baffling conundrums, ectoplasmic slime, Ghostbusters, a demonologist, drama with ghost groups benev...

Just in time for Halloween, the Law Offices Of Quibble, Squabble & Bicker engage the very talented director and playwright Marc Morales to help with the client, That's A Fine Lookin' Werewolf. While cross examining the client, they talk about the Incelerator, 521 North Main Street, the Clown Motel, if I disappear, a seltzer bottle in every room, The Exorcist, Tim Curry, Michael Myers, EMF meter, so much blood, singing waiter, Dion and the Belmonts, Ted Lasso, the Incel Wanderer, Westchester Broa...

The Law Offices of Quibble, Squabble & Bicker are once again taken over by the senior partners of Matt and Greg who are forced to deal with their newest client, A Friend In Need, A Friend Indeed And A Friend In Weed. Some relatively careful attention was paid even though they talked about lose my shoulders, tiny little body, greed heads, Newsies caps, National Haberdasher's Union, simpatico, get our head scratched, other kinds of ships, levels of affection, show all the warts, Jackass, a little ...

The Law Offices of Quibble, Squabble and Bicker welcome a rare individual to their conference room, a man with no real agenda - who goes by the name of Billy Skeels. Billy Skeels does act as a guest fake attorney to help with today's client - Evacuate Your Mind. As they work the deposition, they find sodomites, identifying as a squid, hail hydra, Mighty Mouse, deformed eggs, conceived in a skillet, pre-fried food, that's not a fryer, mystic runes, a foot playin' sport, your son is a box, Ohio Ma...

On this day, a young verbose guest fake attorney shows up at the Law Offices of Quibble, Squabble & Bicker to help litigate Pets On Trial. Rapper Twizm Whyte Piece brings his unique style and converses about holocaust bourbon, matzoh, doing all my evil, pull out game, bashing white people, pus of the blisters, blood in her placenta, aboot, urban language, Hulk Hogan, it smells of dumb people, there's more than corn in Indiana, Keanu Reeves Western, check me out bro, Eminem, doing the rhino, TWP ...

Today, the Law Offices Of Quibble, Squabble & Bicker have a very qualified guest counsel to investigate the claims of their newest client, Schmear The Queer. The guest counsel is comedian, author and New Jersey gay icon Ike Avelli who is a bit soft spoken so you'll have to be careful with your volume control. He graciously puts up with the partners and together they discuss the House Of Your Mama, circle of jerks, two weasels, 50 Shades Of Gay, eyelashes are stunning, thieves, Jenna Jameson, Pul...

The Law Offices Of Quibble, Squabble & Bicker are missing one of the partners and do not have a guest attorney to help with a client that stumbled through their doors, Batman Wears A Diaper. Matt and Greg are all on there own so, obviously, the client is in big trouble especially when they wind up talking about beloved cohost, anal bleaching, the Clean Sphincter Society, fight crime and pee, super speed poop, is that a football, a giant lima bean, head on down to Panama, cosmic rays, radioactive...

Our first guest-free show of the season has our nubile faux lawyers tackling a client that has disturbed many a family gathering: Tradition Is Poison. The client is nimble and care-free which causes the conversation to swerve into statutory ape, Cancel Me Cancel You, little squirrels, gripping, sub units of people, a meaningless void, slaves were toasters, the cotton gin, a minister in Arkansas, Jesus wasn't a baby, turducken, Germanic barbarians, ya'll log, clean out the flue, disembowel their ...